======News Turn 6 - At the Midwinter of 1191====== //**The winter of 1191 approaches, and the whole world is ready to take ship to the Byzantine resort of Limasol, Cyprus. Spas, baths, beaches and all manner of entertainments - with any hope, a fitting place to relax and speak of the troubles and tribulations of the Levant.**// //News in the world of Crusade! is distributed by two major methods - from the pulpit and through private letters. Much is passed on to populations at large by priests and imams (though information often corrupted and inflamed). More is passed on by private correspondents, who write letters to the rich and important, describing the major news and events of their area, for which they are paid a small fee by the recipients. All are assumed to have access to the latter and naturally hear news of the former.// ====The Matter of the Jihad==== //Reported speech from the very mouth of Rashid ad-Din Sinan, known as the Old Man of the Mountain. It is said that he himself has descended upon the cities of the desert to preach.// "Allah protected the most holy of sites and the crusaders were repelled. Those who gave their lives to defend Mecca will be honoured in death and receive bountiful rewards in heaven, but those who seek to take lives in vengeance for the folly of the pope (fake or otherwise) will be damned to hell for any lives they take in an act of murder. There is no honour in fighting a war for the sake of your own glory and those that pursue this Jihad do just that!" ==== The Khwarezmid Depart==== //Letters from a scribe on the Byzantine Ambassador's staff, widely distributed// "... though the great army for the Jyhad has now been ready for over a month, they show no sign of beginning their journey. The Ambassador has inquired the specifics of the situation, but I am told that there are still religious issues. It seems that some accusations have been made against a number of Imams - claims that their call for a Holy War to be false and paid for with foreign money. Some are even said to have forsaken the laws of Islam and turned to Persian religions..." "... have now departed, escorted by guides from the Bedouin tribes. So many months have now passed, and though originally well-provisioned, the great army is now greatly disrupted. I am no //strategos//, but it seems that these delays have greatly affected the Jyhad." "We have accompanied the Great Army on its lengthy journey to Antioch on the Ambassador's orders. I cannot fathom what routes must have been taken, but we have dawdled lazily from oasis to oasis and from town to town, passing by no soul on the road. Such delays can only further serve to lessen the worth of this already-beleaguered army." //A letter from a member of staff attached to the Byzantine navy transporting the Khwarezmid// "... and so the whole city of Antioch was emptied on our arrival. Cleared for the boarding, the Persian army took to the ships, but not before a terrible fate had befallen a good number of them. Their Warleader, the Emir of Persopolis I think, has complained at length of Byzantine assassins to the Admiral, but there have been few reprises as we have struggled to accommodate the army for transport. Already looking haggard and worn, however, I do not know if they will take the sea journey well - in truth an ill-fated army." ==== The Battle of Vienna ==== //From the letter of a monk at the monastery of St. Sebastian, outside Vienna, to the Bishop of Venice.// "... and these things I have also witnessed: the Persian armies came, sailing upon the Adriatic on Roman ships, yet the state in which they came was poor in the extreme. It is said some number of ships did not make it, having been wrecked off the coast of Greece, and no more sorry an invasion has ever been witnessed since time began. Already here at Vienna, the Emperor had gathered about him some small number of loyal men and what knights, swordsmen and others they could bring. We had feared for months that our liege should with so few face the hordes of Persia, yet as they arrived, so had a Roman army hailing from Constantinople under General Karantenos and from the West, the Knights of St. George and Raymond de Forcalquier. The Roman ships departed, and the Persians stranded on their march to Vienna, they had no choice but to give battle to the Christian forces now arrayed. A great battle came, and the Persians fought fiercely, yet the aid of other Christians, and the terrible state of the invaders that they were defeated and many prisoners taken." ====Salah ad-Din Remains in Egypt==== //From a Greek, resident in Alexandria// "Already delayed, for the Great Ayyubid Host has been plagued by misfortune, mysterious deaths and some theological confusion, the news arrived from the North. It seems the Khwarezmid were defeated by Barbarossa, who had gained the aid of the Romans, and they are now well-prepared to defend their lands. Not wishing to suffer more, it seems, and feeling the pressure for Peace to yet prevail, Salah ad-Din called the Host to disperse. The fire is gone from the Muslims for revenge, for an Emissary of the Pope has these past days borne an entreaty from the Throne of St. Peter that Peace must come first and stand firm in these troubled times. Indeed Salah ad-Din proves to be a great ruler, for any other would be only more inflamed, and depart rashly to seek Barbarossa's death." ====The Death of Raymond de Forcalquier==== //Reported by Katrin de Borgone, rumoured to be the last Knight of the Order of the Cross of St George// “... it came upon us even as it was still emerging from the sea, this Egyptian horror, twice the height of a man. Others had already seen it, barely escaping with their lives to report to Master Raymond. What number of us there were, we all formed up to face it, marshalled by the Grandmaster. It came without hesitation, and we could expect no mercy from the abomination, but Raymond stood firm and we with him. Yet it took but minutes, perhaps even seconds, for it to rip us apart – I was gravely injured then, its claws cutting into my shoulder, but I could see all that occurred...” “...defending him to the last man though he implored each to stand aside that he might face his fate. Then as each was slain and I could not gather my strength even to lift an arm from the ground, the monster at last fought Raymond. Yet the Grandmaster did not right back – each blow it rained upon him he deflected, the sword glowing red and blue in turn, for it had been enchanted by some Alchemist. He would not press on, standing serenely as each blow came, each second closer to him as he began to tire. And it seemed to take an age, I could barely watch, yet still could not come to his aid. The last glimpse, as the Jackal’s head of the monster growled in anger and tore into his chest, was of Peace upon the Grandmaster’s face...” “... so died Raymond de Forcalquier, and I pray that his soul finds Peace in Heaven as it had found in the last days of his mortal life. None so brave or determined, so calm have I seen in the face of Fate and the utter terror of the Demonic creature. Even as he died, the sword had flashed but once, cleaving through the Jackal neck. The only blow struck had slain the foul creature...” ====Arrival of the Burgundians==== //A letter from an Ambassador to the Court of Jerusalem // "They came to the great western gate of the city in their hundreds. Arrayed in silver armour beneath their rainbow banners, the saviours of Rome, the forces of the Queen-to-be, the Burgundians. Down the central boulevard of the city, toward the Citadel, they marched rank on rank and the great nobles and brave knights of the Kingdom came to greet them as equals. At the head of the procession rode the young Countess of Chalon and Nevers, Alix. Her beauty was radiant, her poise perfection itself. She sat resplendent atop a white charger and all the city was awed at the sight of their future Queen... \\ Before the gates of the Citadel they halted and the young King Baldwin and his Privy Council came out to greet them. The King’s entourage was equally splendid in its finery and they all bowed low before the Lady. Then the King walked forward and helped her dismount, to much cheering and applause and together the pair walked into the palace...\\ A great feast was held later that day, organised by Getan de Reys. Of course the opulence was staggering and the food exotic. The royal couple sat at the high table engrossed in conversation throughout and the court seemed enchanted with their future queen." ==== The Marriage of King Baldwin of Jerusalem and Duchess Aelith of Burgundy ==== // A letter from one of Queen Aelith's maids to her aunt in Burgundy. // ... and such a spectacle has not been seen in the Latin Kingdoms upon this distant shore for a generation. The wedding was officiated by the His Holiness Pope Peter II himself as a special symbol of the favour he shows the Kingdom of Jerusalem since so many of its men and women fought with him to unseat the monster Urbane. The couple were most beauteous dressed in fine silks from the Orient and my lord Getan de Reys acted as best man. In truth the majority of the arrangements of the wedding and the celebrations that both preceded and followed it were laid in his charge, and many were the spectacles we saw - of doves and joyous choirs and much besides - that served to advise all the people of Jerusalem of the import and magnificence of this happy union. And it were a happy union for the King and Queen once wed delighted so in the company of one another. The gossip within the palace now is that the Queen is with child, and in truth by the time my missive reaches you I think it possible she may be a new mother and the realm shall have prince or princess. The news is bandied so widely that already many wonder what name the babe shall have, but if any have guessed I know it not. ====The Cathars of France==== //Brother Antonius, a monk from Southern France and said to be a Cathar sympathiser, writes another Brother of his order// "The Cathars are well-respected here, for there is still a great number of the among the population. I hear that many of the lords also hold to the belief deemed Heresy. I would merely note that this Father Mathieu Belibaste has toured the regions extensively, seeking to reassure and minister to the Cathars there. I do not doubt that the belief is here to stay and shall not quickly snuffed." "It is likely then, that this core of believers will survive and no amount of preaching or Inquisition can shift the minds of the lords, their subjects and a great deal of the clergy. Only should every man and woman of them have been killed can Catholicism end this Heresy completely. And can we justify such bloodshed? It shall not be done in our time, for the trials that Christendom has faced have been far greater than any have imagined..." ====Great Unrest Across the Crusader Kingdoms==== //From the letter of a Greek merchant, trading from Acre// “... the hostilities continue to mount. I have heard every brother and sister complain to the Bishop, who herself has spoken at length to the Patriarch in Antioch. It can scarcely be believed that the Jews enjoy such privileges that even Christians do not! Each day the hostilities threaten to boil over – for each believes that soon they shall be raised to eminence within the Kingdom even above all others...” "... I have myself suffered at their hands on occasion and I am told that they are hold all the trade in Jerusalem, and are permitted, and even now keep out other honest merchants..." //The letter of a Latin noble, resident in Jerusalem, to relatives in the Holy Roman Empire// “... have seen Joshua, the leader of the Jews, daily at the Court of the King. Yet it is Prince Philip that ever panders to his whims, and is as much a creature of Joshua as we might expect the man to be. And every other man and woman of the Kingdom is ready to oppose such incursion – is this not a Latin Kingdom? Is it not a Christian Kingdom? Then why are we ruled by a Jew and his lackey Philip? Many have been prepared to tolerate the Jews in the name of Peace, but we will fight for the Protection of the Kingdoms...” //The preaching of an Imam, based in Jerusalem// “... have flooded into the Kingdom which we have all long sought to preserve in Peace, for even as we worship all in our own way and make peace with each other these last few years, they have threatened to upset this balance. For as the Christians destroyed the Dome of the Rock, so the Jews have now been permitted to rebuild the Temple as it had once been, yet were we permitted to rebuild the Dome as it had been? Let us gather with our brother Christians and let us Petition the King that the favours be restored to the inhabitants of the Holy Land, lest we rise up and return the Kingdom for ourselves...” //Similar sentiments have been expressed across the Crusader Kingdoms// ==== Cyprus ==== // From the factor of a merchant of Syracuse based in Lefka on Cyprus to his employer. // The Governor of the Roman Theme of Cyprus continues to improve his island. I wrote to you last year and informed you of the great harvest reaped here, more fruit upon the vine and wheat in the fields than could be gathered. This year the Governor has turned his attentions to the defence of the island. The dockyards have received a great deal of attention and I believe there is profit to be made here for a merchant will have no difficulty now in finding a stone quay upon which to unload. The roads of the island too are improved and goods and victuals now travel much faster upon them. The governor has made the city of Constantia his new capital and the roads there are most fine. There are many new watchtowers too and so commerce may be conducted both with haste and safety for banditry has been reduced to naught. The governor has not forgotten his pious duties either. He has founded a nunnery dedicated to Saint Leodocia set upon a hill some distance from the palace of Constantia yet visible from the palace there, and he has celebrated its construction with a great feast. ====New Pope, Same Old Papal Bull==== POPE PETER II, EPISCOPUS SERVUS SERVORUM DEI\\ We hereby revoke the excommunications of the Antipope Urbane and reinstate the Military and Monastic Orders that the heretic dissolved while holding her false office. We also grant a Papal mandate to the Most Holy Order of the Knights of St George and their Praeceptor Raymond de Forcalquier in return for his selfless service to the Church in these dark times.\\ Furthermore let it be known that the cruel reign of the false Pope is over and that her hatred shall perish with her. The Papal inquisition is hereby dissolved and the persecution of the heretics shall cease. Let Christ's mercy show them to the path of righteousness rather then the wrath of the Lord. No longer shall the throne of St. Peter be washed with the blood of the innocent, let a new reign of peace begin.\\ It is with sadness that we hereby remove Helena of Trier from her role as Grandmaster of the Order of the Hospital of St John. Further, we cannot expect any new incumbent to that post to erase the stain on the Order's honour arising from its demonstrated loyalty to the Black Pope. We therefore command that the Order of the Hospital of St John be dissolved without prejudice to those Knights who merely followed the orders of their master. ====The Draconists Ride Forth==== //An edict issued by Prince Basarab of Wallachia on the formation of the Knightly Order of the Dragon//\\ \\ {{ :wiki:dragon-insignia.gif|}} "The Order of the Dragon shall ride forth in company with the prelates, barons, and magnates of our kingdom, whom we invite to participate with us in this party, by reason of the sign and effigy of our pure inclination and intention to crush the pernicious deeds of the same perfidious Enemy, and of the followers of the ancient Dragon, and of the pagan knights, schismatics, and other nations of the Orthodox faith, and those envious of the Cross of Christ, and of our kingdoms, and of his holy and saving religion of faith, under the banner of the triumphant Cross of Christ ..."\\ " ... we and the faithful Knights of our kingdom shall bear and have, and do choose and agree to wear and bear, in the manner of society, the sign or effigy of the Dragon incurved into the form of a circle, its tail winding around its neck, divided through the middle of its back along its length from the top of its head right to the tip of its tail, with blood forming a red cross flowing out into the interior of the cleft by a white crack, untouched by blood, just as and in the same way that those who fight under the banner of the glorious martyr St George are accustomed to bear a red cross on a white field ..."\\ ==== Zombies of Roman Fallen ==== // Strange rumours reach the Holy Land of another attack upon Rome. Some artistic license may have crept it.// ... refused the permission of His Holiness Pope Peter II he must have thought to perform the rite in secrecy, and since it centred upon darkness and the dead he crept into the graveyards by night to perform his wicked rituals. And they say Basilus was heartless and that he drew his evil runes in the blood of infants and that a great dead beast guarded his steps. But from the east came those who hunted him: a man upon an elephant and all know his name, and the great and holy knight Pyotr Loria who had found the wickedness the monster had performed in their homeland and from the Rus lands came a company of soldiers led by their grizzled General Korovic. And from the west too came those to oppose him, the Pope himself, though he fought with guile from his palace, and more strangely the Cathar heretic Mathieu Belibaste came with weapons drawn. And they found the madman in the crypts of Rome and they moved to arrest or slay him, for they could see that nothing good or true remained in him and many had witnessed the crimes he had hidden in distant Georgia. But the madmen espied them and he acted in madness and completed his spell before it was made right. The ground erupted and from it crawled the dead and though dead they moved and fought, though there was but little spirit to them. From the sky too came great evil. First they thought it a dragon and wondered to find it in Rome but it breathed not and was but skin animated by terrible means and they saw it was like to the skeletons and unclean dead they fought. And more noble Sir Pyotr and brave Loxos recognised it as a beast they had slain once before and all were amazed. Sir Pyotr and Mathieu of Belibaste faced against the beast and fought it and spectacle was as two Georges against the feel dragon, and while they fought the soldiers of commanding Korovic slew the unquiet dead a second time while far-seeing Loxos and his herd trampled them beneath foot. None knew it then but their foes were much diminished in number and skill by the actions of the Pontiff Supreme who sent out his men and erased many of the runes that Basilus had set in secret. The dragon was slain I think by Pyotr and Mathieu and the wicked Basilus gave out a great cry to see his plans so spoiled. Not the last gambit of his though had he spent, and he began a great chant and the words twisted at the minds and souls of those who fought. And Sir Pyotr sprang up and ran the monster through, but where his heart ought be was nothing at all, and all were amazed once more. Then Loxos and Mathieu sprang forth too, for now it was clear that Basilus was beyond God's love and the bounds of Chivalry and all hacked at him while he laughed. And they slew him there but before he fell some say that Basilus spoke "There! It is done!" and all hope it were not so. ====Rioting in Constantinople==== //Reports from a Genoese trader based in Constantinople, widely copied and distributed.// "... a number of most interesting accusations. My friend Primos has relayed each of them in full, but I will summarise - Simeon Gabriel, a well-respected and prominent trader and politician has been revealed as a Jew. As I am told, the true issue is not his religion, but his position at the heart of Roman government, that secretly professing to be a Christian, the man has won the trust of Emperor, Senate and all Byzantine government..." "... now into the second day of riots. Today they have been further inflamed as a great many nobles have come to petition the Senate to act, and with them brought many household guards. Primos has told me to remain in the Latin Quarter, lest tensions are further inflamed and I may not be safe. I have taken the precaution of hiring..." "... that the Emperor had been murdered! It can be scarcely believed, but these are not mere rumours. They cannot be for nobody has seen the Emperor and there have been no news from the Palace. Some blame the Jews, and what has become of Senator Gabriel I do not know, others say this is the hand of the Persians, and yet more accuse almost all the Imperial court." "... soldiers, under order General Karantenos have arrived in the Capital and begin even now to restore orders. Last night, the residence of Senator Gabriel was attacked, for Primos says he had been in the vicinity, and the place put to the torch. Whether he has survived, nobody knows..." ==== The State of Constantinople ==== // A letter from Francois Giscard, a noble of France trading in Constantinople, to his lord Philip. // ... and feared for my life, for the mob in Constantinople has had a taste of Latin blood less than a score of years ago and I feared they would seek more. But they turned upon any they thought might be secret Jew or republican. (I do not understand what these republicans are but others have said that they are those who hate all kings and so, my lord, I would advise you to caution if any from the Roman Empire seek sanctuary at your court.) Now the situation is calmer with the mob but even more confused amongst the nobles of the court. For in the Imperial Palace sits upon the throne one who names himself Emperor Michael and was once before General Karantenos. And yet he is not the only one to name himself emperor, for there is another, and it is a strange tale. For the other man was an adventurer and herder of elephants named Loxos, but now he claims that he is the Emperor Alexios I who all named dead long ago, murdered at the hands it is thought of Andronikos of ill-repute and his now-dead adviser Stephen Hagiochristophorites. And whether this is madness or Byzantine politicking I cannot say but he does enjoy the support of the navy and many great men. The power of the senate though is broken once again and its rising leader Senator Gabriel is disappeared. For he is named chief amongst the circumcised traitors who plotted 'gainst the late Emperor. (And I know no more of that matter for the bloody murder of the Emperor with his head and heart stolen away is not spoken of for none dare repeat now the rumour's of Michael's hand... ====Victory on the Beaches of the Holy Land==== //A Report from a wounded Knight returning to Jerusalem// "In the darkness of the night it came upon us; the Leviathan from the west that froze the tides in its wake and drove the beasts of the sea before it. Its grey form rose obliterating the firmament and its malevolent gaze casting out spirits into grim despair. Arrayed against the monster stood the forces of Christendom and the Arabs, united to face the threat that sought to march upon the Holy City. Yet we were ill prepared for what we faced; what use our swords or spears against a titan, or arrows against a hide of ice? Many were killed and the lines were broken as soldiers and knights alike were ripped down by the foe..."\\ "...at last the forces of heaven came forth to aid us. Angels of fire and light that smote the beast with the fury of the Lord. In heat of the battle I saw things I cannot explain; great golden gates, a shining spearhead, arrows of silver that tore the air and a golden warrior a thousand feet high. All I know is that when all hope seemed lost the great eye of the monster was torn asunder and cast to the elements. So the crystal giant fell its ruin smote upon the beaches of Ashdod."\\ "I was saved by the good Brother Gregory; he staunched my wounds and stopped the ebb of my life. God bless him and all that follow in his footsteps." ====The Third Temple - Wonder of the World==== //The words of a recent Jewish arrival to Jerusalem// A wonder. Truly a wonder. To see the third temple standing over Jerusalem as once Solomon’s temple did. I would never have thought such a thing could happen in my lifetime and that my family would be within the Holy Land to see it. We went up the mount and there we listened to the Prophet Joshua ben Isaac; his words filling me with a religious conviction that I have not felt in years. Within that place and with those words I knew with surety that the destiny of God’s Chosen people was being fulfilled. The Kingdom of David shall rise once more and we shall take our rightful place within the Holy Land.\\ \\ //An overheard conversation between two questing knights//\\ “The Temple is truly a sight to behold; I was astounded when I visited at the sheer scope of the construction.”\\ “Merely a shame that the Christian shrine must share its shadow with that of the Heretics.”\\ “Yes. It is surprising that this was allowed to happen and that the other shrines pale in comparison to the great Jewish Temple.”\\ “Still the Church is a thing of wonder; a spire that rakes the firmament and an altar all of gold. We should give thanks that such a place now stands upon the Holy mount.”\\ \\ //The council of an imam in Saladin’s court// \\ It seems the invaders have relented in their hatred, at least for the while. One of their Knights, a man called Pytor Loria, has ensured that all faiths are allowed to worship on the mount. Though we have lost our beloved Dome on the Rock a new and worthy shrine has been erected in its place. I have walked within it and it is a thing of beauty most worthy to commemorate the ascension of the Prophet, peace be upon him. \\ Perhaps a peace of sorts may be possible, if they are willing to allow us to worship there. It would be a crime to endanger the new mosque with war or fire. ==== The Sodomite Bishop of Caesarea ==== Have you heard the one about the bishop and the sodomite? They've tried to hush it up you know -- the Romans -- but how could they hope to keep such a thing secret? Right there on the altar in front of a hundred witnesses including their emperor. Vestments hitched up round his waist and the hose of his lover around his feet. What? No, not the hose around the bishop's feet around his lover's feet. Yes, the lover was a man, that's the //point//. Anyway it all happened nearly two years ago now. Bishop Giant-Hippopotamus was officiating at a wedding between the Emperor's sister and his tame Turk and the at the end of the wedding, when the Turk and Roman were kissing, the bishop crawled on to altar and mooned the Emperor. At the same time his sodomite friend got out his yard and well stuck it right in where it ought not go while the bishop thanked God on the altar. Of course the Romans didn't bat an eye at this, since blasphemy is like bread and wine to them. It was only when Philip of Jerusalem protested that they realised it might be troublesome if people found out. But they soon silenced him. He's been taking gold from Constantinople for years so what's a bit of sinning between friends. ===== Poetry Corner ===== ==== A Whole New Hell ==== //A popular duet, said to affectionately comment upon the lives of Nizam Ata and his wife// OC: To the tune of //A whole new world// from //Aladdin.// Does not describe actual events. //Nizam Ata and his wife Constantia, are flying on a magic carpet through the streets of Hamadan.// **Nizam:** I will conquer the world.\\ Crushing, Murdering, Mighty.\\ With me in charge,I'll rightly,\\ Put them all under the Sword!\\ I will pluck out their eyes,\\ Take them rend them asunder.\\ But I have made a Blunder,\\ On this magic carpet ride.\\ I told you my plans.\\ You made me monologue to you.\\ I should have told you no!\\ Or where to go.\\ So now I'll have to kill you.\\ **Constantia:** Your really Insane.\\ Why on earth did I marry you.\\ But now I'm way up here.\\ And full of fear.\\ So now your in a whole new hell with me.\\ **Nizam:** A whole new hell? **Constantia:** Unbelievable sights.\\ You have now been warned.\\ You have, made a, woman scorned.\\ And know your going to pay!\\ Conquer the World?!\\ (**Nizam**: Don't you dare tell me no.)\\ You Haven't got a hope in hell!\\ (**Nizam**: Don't hold your Breath, I will succeed.)\\ I'd like to see you try,\\ Your plan won't fly.\\ You won't get back to where you need to be.\\ **Nizam**:\\ Conquer the World.\\ (Every turn an opponent.)\\ With new followers behind me.\\ (They will all turn on you.)\\ **Both**:\\ I'll find them (you) anywhere.\\ No time to spare.\\ I will (You wont) conquer this whole world, it's true.\\ Conquer the world.\\ (Conquer the world.))\\ That's what I'll do.\\ (I wont let you.)\\ Destroy this Place.\\ (I will give chase.)\\ Just wait and seeeeeeeee.\\ //At which point Nizam pushes his wife off the carpet to fall to her death.// ===== Rumours ===== *The Great Satan is Raymond de Forcalquier Barbarossa Helena of Trier Abelard THE GREAT SATAN! *Philip of Jerusalem - doesn't even ask for the reach around. *The Art of War by Sun Tzu; Chapter 1, Line 1: Do not bring infantry to a Godzilla fight. *Do not anger the Giant Zombie Squid, for it has lasers for eyes. *The Emperors are in Excellent Health. *Pope seeks Cardinals for prayers and piety. *Demons... Djinn... Angels... Who //are// these guys? *I hear that Nizam Ata turned into a giant snake. I saw it with my own eyes! *I hear that Nizam Ata has donated all his money to the Church! *I hear that Nizam Ata is the Emperor, he wears the face of Karantenos! *I hear that Nizam Ata will bring Peace to the whole world! *I hear that Nizam Ata is a machine built for lovin'. *You know if they built Jerusalem under the sea and genetically engineered all the Jews nothing could possibly go wrong. *Forcalquier died a Saint. He might not have lived as one... *Two Holy Cups? It cannot be! One would get drunk on the holiness! *The Temple Mount is poor foundation - the whole thing is going to collapse within the year. *Assassins are watching you sleep. * The headless undead clockwork corpse of the emperor is in excellent news. * "By Barbarossa's beard!" \\ "You mean this one? I got it from a reputable trader." * Governor Itakenseys love a good nun. See how they run!