News Turn 7 - At the Midwinter of 1192

The winter of 1192 approaches, and the whole world seems still to throng the streets and countryside around Jerusalem. Great pilgrimages of all the faiths have been lead here, and now it is the turn of all the great and the good to return to the City of God. For it seems all the affairs of the Levant shall be settled here today in a way that shall endure for generations.

News in the world of Crusade! is distributed by two major methods - from the pulpit and through private letters. Much is passed on to populations at large by priests and imams (though information often corrupted and inflamed). More is passed on by private correspondents, who write letters to the rich and important, describing the major news and events of their area, for which they are paid a small fee by the recipients. All are assumed to have access to the latter and naturally hear news of the former.

Tiamat over Caesarea

The clamoured voices of Caesarean Citizens:

”…a great star shape, lolloping and dragging itself across the horizon, it's great bulk eclipsed the sun as it descended upon us, it's very body the fleshling sky…”

”…the armies of Caesarea and the Aprenos' Arabs, swept about it's great feet. Thousands of myriad beasts poured upon the streets, birthed of it's flesh, the Great Hero Aprenos led his men in charge…”

”…and the great Ebon Elephant, the Augusti upon it's back rose into the sky, and made proclamation:
“Humanity made it's call and it was the Shai'tan who answered, remember this day as the day that the armies of darkness came from behind the veil, and stuck forth at the enemies of humanity. Where are the Djinn and invokers of the other courts, those who belittle us just for wanting our independence, wishing to deal with man on our own terms? So I ask you to remember who it was that came to you aid. Me and my brother, for today we fight alongside humanity against the foes that seek to eradicate them. Today we fi–”
And in a great blast of Golden Light the sky tore itself open and the Brass angels of The Ophanim poured upon the Beast. And the Elephant looked rather embarrassed by the whole affair…“

”…the Arabs were not turned away, tailing the great Beast since the Desert, sailing into the city upon what could only be called a Boat of the land, churning through the Earth as if it were water. One of them glowed like God's Voice, and descended upon those in his way like an angered Angel. And with jawlined proclomation from the Son of Saladin, the armies of the desert cheered and descended upon the Great Beast…”

”…a singing, like a small child, a babbling, and the great Flesh Thing rolled and split and changed. And where the five-mouthed-flesh star once blocked the sky, now a five-headed dragon breathed pestilence and rot and bile upon the City…”

”…and with a battle cry, upon the elephant's back, Alexios dived into one of the Mother beast's many throats, a goner for sure…”

”…the Arab had gone mad, screaming with delusion and repulsion and blood-eyed fury as his black blade cut swathes through both the bestial and the innocent…”

”…like a great stone river beast, bleeding silver, pulled by many tiny legs. It cut through the swarm of flesh-spawn, beneath Tiamat's shadow, swallowing and tearing those that stood in it's way. And the Arab girl descended on it from the roof, children scattering in their scuffle…”

”…a thousand tearing chains and barbs, all flesh and bone, tore into the Angel Ophanim, and with a pained cry of 'STEADY ON!' he fell into the city, his body washing over and fading like so much candle flame…”

”…with a pained roar, unnatural, pain-bringing fire pouring from every mouth, it changed once more, tearing and reshaping… a rotund, voluptuous female figure, all chest and five-faces, two abyss like eyes, and the babbling renewed, louder and faster than ever from all of it's cursed maws…”

”…the golden light issued forth, and wear the scholar of Jerusalem had once stood, a winged figure cloaked in flame and light now stood. And Loria, and Ambrose, and even the Angel Ophanim dropped to their knees in the presence of the Angel…”

”…the glowing Arab tore into the Beast, his fellows trying to stop him, but the flesh wrapped and tore like a pack of hungry wolves and he was consumed. And a scream of rage and sorrow filled the City…”

”…as one, the two Angels struck it's great missing eyes, as Loria, Aprenos, The Son of Saladin, and the Mad Arab fired into it's mouthes. Another Arab, a Great White Glow issuing forth into the Beast's central gullet. A blaze of flame and light consumed the Great Beast, it's form quaking, tearing, disintegrating, a scream filling the heavens…”

Caesaerea still stands, although many of it's buildings lie in ruins and hundreds are dead. However, the streets are apparently filled with beautiful flowers…

A Plague of Beasts

The ramblings of a Wallachian farmer:

“Like a Wolf, only four spans as big, stands like a man! A whole pack of same, only Fox and Pig and Cat and Thrush and Hare! All jaws and claws, they take horses and sheep, all in mouth and ravaged. Great bloody swathe head in Westwards! Crops are scared to grow. This is Witch's doing! Is Baba Yaga's curse! All Shadows and Bad Meat!”

Resters on Cyprus:

“They were beautiful. Me and the lads just wanted to reach out and kiss their mouthes off, all trouser tented, if you get me. But they were wrong. Dirty and covered in… something… like they were new to the world. Legs all snake skin, and wings like broken bones. Enrique lost it and tried to touch one. Down the rocks he tumbled, dashed and broken, into the waters. They descended on my friend all tooth and claw. I could watch no longer. Shrieking and gulping, they took to the air befoire the setting sun of blood, all Northwards…”

A bartender in Trier:

“Rats. 'Undreds of 'em. 'Ousands. 'Illions. Spoil our beer and shit in our grain. They come surgin from the Great Black Forest they say, rollin' and spillin' through our towns just to spite us, and then shoot off, fly like an arrow at first sight o' mornin'. Followed by the ill and the strange, knights in ebon with gleaming mark of God. All gone now. But wait 'til 'ightfall. Not like in stories, tie 12 together and dangle over bridge. No Rat King. Just some stinkin' Witch in forest makin' it bad for all of us.”

An intercepted note from Sicily to Athens:

“Situation Compromised. Your Greatest Offering Stolen. Repeat, Athene's Offering Stolen. Beasts of Pisces and Serpent a-sieged in one brief night. Temple Defences broken and Artefact Acquisitionned by Unkonown Forces. Trail of Destruction leading directly to Barbarosa's Black Forest. Will attempt reaccuisition.
Warning and Reminder - Caution needed for Contact with Artefact. Blood from severing still potent - horrendously venomous and malignant. Useful for tracking - keep eyes open for Bats and Winged Beasts and Such spawning from bloody pools.
No reminder needed for Eyes and Hair-Like-Appendages, obviously. Keep Visual Contact to a minimum. Blindfolds and shields a necessity.”

A Child is Born!

Isaiah 9:6-7
“For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, On the throne of David and over his kingdom, To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness From then on and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will accomplish this.”

A letter from Anna-Magaret Attwood, Lady’s maid to Queen Alix of Jerusalem, to Contessa Maria del Sasorba.

“I am glad to tell though that it was late on the Friday night that the child came, with many portents and foretellings that made us all wary of the dangers and just as well for it is said that four separate attempts to kill his mother and the boy were made within the day of his very birth, even with the warnings that he was protected by Samael, Archangel of Death, Esau's guardian angel, who takes away the souls of man. They did come and each time they were put down until the child was born and then they did not come again, for he was anointed by Rabbi and by Cardinal with the sacred oils and all knew that the Kingdom of Jerusalem was blessed and even those who would have killed him and his mother knew that their time was gone.”

From the notes of the famed astronomer Benjamin of Hawkin

“As the great Abd al-Rahman al-Khazini predicted the body did pass on the trajectory he had notated but where as on the seventh day it should have left the firmament instead it stood stock still and brightest in the heavens above the Citadel of David and here it shone for a further seven days such that each within the city saw night as day throughout the week. And when on the last day the child was born then it did shine brighter than the sun and was gone as sudden as a snowflake in the desert.”

Weddings and Abdications

From the Maior Domus of a Byzantine courtier, dispatched to many across Europe

”…and all Constantinople once again discussing the great events. For the grand decorations are up and all are prepared for the marriage of Emperor Alexios to Lida Karantenos, daughter of Emperor Michael, who himself is to marry Beatrice of Saxony, niece of the German Emperor Frederick…”

”…my lord tells me that all have come, the Bishop of Rome I had seen arrive, and the King of Jerusalem has also come, most surprisingly the Doge of Venice has arrived, dressed in fripperies. From the Empire's corners the Governor of Cyprus and the Dukos Exarchos Nizam Ata are both present. Among the Latins, Michael of Bethlehem and Joshua ben Isaac have also come, and from the deserts Maha of the al-Nazihah, who my lord tell me have made a great name as traders. A Zeinab Mizradeh, from the Sultanate of the Ayyubid was there, and too the great knight of Georgia Pyotr Loria…”

”… assisted by the Patriach, Bishop Giannopoulos married the two couples, and there was a great cry of joy such that the Saint Sophia shook! No more joyous occasion could I have imagined…”

From the letter of a Genoese merchant, sent to a number of recipients in Europe, the Holy Land and Alexandria

”… have spoken this day with Ioannis Diokos, who had been at the palace during the proclamation. For you will hear this from me first - that Emperor Michael has abdicated, giving up the throne he had claimed but a year before. There have been suspicions, as you may know, but what exactly might happen had not been known until today. That is not all, however, for minutes later, Emperor Alexios who was now sole Emperor, named Michael Basileopator [Emperor's father] and so has kept him an Emperor in all but name, for there are none above the Basileopator in eminence save the Emperor. So was explained to me, though I profess I know little of the complicated things of Imperial government…”

The Year of Four Emperors

A letter from Henrik of Madgeburg, a merchant, to his brother in the Holy Roman Empire.

No sooner though had the Romans but one emperor, Alexios who is friend and ally to our own Emperor Barbarossa, than another arose. From Jerusalem came the news that the younger sister of Isaac II Angelos had left her nunnery and journeyed to that city and there proclaimed herself the true Empress of the Roman Empire and denounced Emperor Alexios and Basileopator Michael as usurpers and murderers.

For much has been made of the hand of Lida Karantenos, wife now of the Emperor Alexios, in the death of the brother of Augustina. Though few now believe these rumours, though the true assassin has not yet been found.

It is well-known in the city that the Empress Augustina is an ally of Simeon Gabriel who was once senator here and fled when revealed as a Jew. The Jew is much hated by those who support Emperor Alexios and Basileopator Michael and they denounce him as a republican – a vile insult here it seems – though I do not understand how he can both serve Empress Augustina and seek to cast down the throne.

So it was the Roman's had two emperors once again.

This caused more confusion than I think anyone could have expected for soon the city was beset by news of banditry and treachery; on every lip was news that the forces of Emperor Alexios and Basileopator Michael fought each other in skirmishes throughout the Empire and their grip on power weakened. Only in Anatolia, where General Lucius Aprenos rode tirelessly from one town to another, to calm the warring factions did news of peace reach Constantinople. In truth I cannot report reliably upon the news in that period for Constantinople was riven with riots and many foreigners were stoned or burned. When assassins struck against the Imperial Palace again it was too much; too clear a sign that the curious arrangement of Emperor and father could not hold.

Emperor Lucius was proclaimed by the people of Anatolia, though it did not save his wife…

… And so it is that within the space of one year the Romans began with two emperors, have had four emperors and three yet remain. I have heard it said now in jest that the Roman crown is like the hydra, for as soon as you remove it from one head two more spring up to take it's place.

Arrest of Candida Aprene

From the account of a drunk sailor in his cups in a tavern in Antioch.

Yessh, I saw it all! Let me tell you it ish not the sho- sort of thing you could forget. The troops of Basilly-Basilly-peptor- Emperor-Father Michael shpread through the city to shtop the beggars burnin' it and the shailors, loyal to Alexios to a man, looking to shave their ships from the shame. And in the light of the burnin' city I shaw her though I didn't know her name, the woman who'd hired ush to take her to Myra and paid ush right well for the trouble of waiting in that dangermous city.

She had with her that servant of her, Prickless, sheven-feet tall and not a hand lessh, and no balls at all! Not a one though he swung a shword or fisht so you wouldn't want to get in the way. From behind them shouts and cries and then that Georgian knight, I don't remember his name, Peter or summat. And troops and all shouting for her to stop. I think it was then she turned into a giant scorpion…

Hey, my glass ish empty!

Of course we didn't wait around after seeing that. Straight out of port as fast as the oars would take us.

He’s not the Messiah….

Overheard in a bar in Acre

If my very own brother had not seen it with his own eyes I would never have believed it! He says that when, on midsummer’s day, after all the plagues and troubles had been dealt with that the enemies of God had sent, that the Arch Angel Gabriel appeared amongst those on the mount, to Jews as the burning fire of the torah, to the christians and muslims as he was spoken of in the Gospels and in the Koran, and that when he came down he moved straight away for the new born Hugo, Prince of Jerusalem, still held in his mothers arms, in turn standing next to her loving husband. And then the Arch Angel smiled at the Royal Family and reached down to touch the child’s forelock before he bent his knee to the babe.

Then it was that all could see that the child was surrounded by a Halo and that his holiness was plain for all the world and as one all upon the mount and beyond knelt for they felt the glory of the Lord shine down on them from him.

Gabriel spoke, he told all there gathered, that the new-born was the Messiah of all of the peoples of the world and that the fourth covenant was now made new, that all the other covenants were no more and that the greatest of times and the worst of pains was about to come upon the world; that all men and women of faith would fight this war that was to come in their hearts and with their hands and minds until those who would destroy God’s creation would wreak no more havoc upon the world and the ancient horrors would be banished again.

And then he told all there that the child known as Hugo should have a different name, that he should be called Immanu'el, Emmanuel or Allah Ma‘na, for he was indeed God with Us and that all who were present were blessed beyond their knowing, that was what my brother said.”

Pyotr Loria's Return

From a letter to Mstislav the Eyeless, from an unnamed contact in Georgia.

…there was a great ceremony to welcome them as they rode through the gates of Tblisi, for it seemed that someone in the court had heard of the arrival of the pilgrims, and with Pyotr and his retinue travelled many great men and women, Lords and Ladies of the Covenant, with a great parade such as had never been seen since Loxos arrived in court some years ago - in fact he who now calls himself Emperor Alexios was with that great company. But it was Pyotr Loria who was ascendant at the head of the procession, his banner waving proudly and the great cross of Saint George carried by all the men there and adorning the walls and flagpoles of the city…

…They arrived at the palace and were bid inside, and I managed to enter with them (I will not detail how, but the girls in the palace employ are very charming). Inside they met with the Queen and there she received them under the great skeleton of the Dragon slain by the fair knight. There was much talk between Pyotr and Tamar and eventually he produced from a box a cracked chalice and presented it to her. She drank, and then bid him drink, and when they had both the chalice split and broke apart onto the floor to much surprise.

Then she said, and I hope I remember her words:

“Let it be known throughout the land that Pyotr Loria is a hero and most beloved of Georgia. The tales of his knightly exploits are known to all, and he has upheld the honour of his country, his Queen, and himself, with utmost dedication and humility as befits a true knight. Now he has returned to our homeland and his quest is complete, and I shall take him to be my husband for he has more than proved his worth and his virtue.”

And there was an uproar from the court, much cheering and clapping, and I believe I saw the young knight blush with the attention. Then the crowd were bid from the chambers and a private audience was held; I suspect the court will arrange a great wedding as has never been seen in Georgia before, already the celebrations are sweeping the country…

Damascus Sieged by Crusaders, Salah ad-Din killed

From coffee-house talk across Egypt:

A great mourning has overtaken the lands of the Ayyubid this year, for their Sultan the great Salah ad-Din has been slain by Crusaders upon the field of battle.

Tales tell of a small but elite army of Crusading knights hailing from the rainy isle, led by Henry of Gloucester, marching upon Damascus. News of this unexpected invasion arriving swiftly at his court, the great Sultan himself rode with his sons Al-Afdal and Malik Az-Zahir to meet them in the field of battle; there to crush the small forces of the Crusaders before they could ever reach the walls.

The tales further tell of the seeming invincibility of Henry who personally hacked his way through hordes of Muslim defenders screaming epithets as he went, protected without a scratch from their blades by some unknown magic. His bloody swathe carved through the ranks brought him before great Salah ad-Din, who dismounted and fought him hand to hand upon the sands. The struggle was great, but the Sultan would never find a victory in fighting a man who could not be hurt, and eventually the English knight seized the advantage and ran him through, spilling his life's blood upon the sands.

The forces of the Emir retreated under the command of Al-Afdal to behind the walls of Damascus where they eventually forced the siege to end by reducing the invading forces to but a single man - Henry himself, who, whilst not susceptible to being felled by the arrow or the blade could not individually force his way into a city. He was forced to retreat and the city was saved, but at what cost?

Al-Afdal ibn Salah ad-Din, eldest child of Salah ad-Din, now stands as great Sultan of Egypt and Syria in his father's place. All eyes turn to him to exact revenge and the mujihadeen are again clamouring to march upon the western dogs.

Medical Lectures in Damascus

From a letter home from the trader William of Acre, convalescing in the hospital in Damascus, after a camel-riding accident.

… a remarkable gathering of medical and alchemical talents, and one which I think few hospitals or hospices will ever have rivalled, for under one roof the renowned (and notorious) doctor Jamila ad-Dar, the recently married Mansoor Khalifa Ashhad and the mysterious Zeinab Mirzadeh. It appeared that the first two had gathered for the treatment of Zeinab, her behaviour in recent years having excited some comment as I'm sure you know. Why in Cairo I hear the lady alchemist…

… and then in Georgia the goings on…

… wild rumours about her true identity and the crown and mask she wears…

… but it isn't my intention to gossip about Zeinab Mirzadeh, not when such scholars were there to speak upon matters medical and alchemical. The education that Jamila's ducklings (a mysterious name for her students which I have not fathomed) receive is already exceptional, and in recent years the good doctor has recruited on several occasions many other chirurgeons and herbalists as required.

The Great Desert Ship of the Al-Nazihah

By Hamash al-Marwazi, a noted Arab historian and geographer

“Now I come to the greatest feat of alchemy and craft that I have ever seen, or indeed read about in the histories. For the Alchemist Mansoor, so recently a part of the famed Al-Nazihah has built a ship that sails not upon the waters, but the dry sands of the desert! I have been most fortunate in seeing the vessel, a great marvel as it is, as it sailed through the sands with wind in its sails.

The hull a polished wood, so that from afar I had thought a great reflecting glass had been pulled across the desert by a dozen men. Above it, billowing silk sails, that held the strongest of winds, so that the ship cut through the sands… and how it cut! It sailed as if it had been on water, but amazingly it was clearly upon the sands!”

The Rising Sick

Realdo Vesalius, Doctor of Medicinal Aid at the University of Bologna:

“The whole thing was pretty weird all round really. Strangely Brown and Sickly Green and Misleadingly Grey and the others were just lying there one minute, all sick and blotchy and whimpering. The next they were all silent, silent but quivering like dosed up rodents. And as one they all rose up out of their cots and made to exeunt, muttering strange dark words I couldn't help but soil myself over. Dozens, hundreds of them, all around the city. The Nearly dead. Marching North West. Poor Blighters. They'll chill without their blankets…”

Rumours of similar sights have been seen all over the Levant, with the sickened and previously gravely-ill rising in Cyprus, Nicea, and other large populations. Great hordes of these “Lazarians” have been seen making for main-land Europe, possibly the Holy Roman Empire and the lands of Barbarossa.

Pilgrimages to Jerusalem

Reported by Yousef ibn Madminah of Jerusalem, to his brothers in many cities

”… and you must come. For everyone has flooded into Jerusalem these past months in pilgrimage. Not only the Latins and the Eastern Christians but also our brother Muslims from Damascus, Baghdad, from Egypt and even further. Every man and woman in the world, it seems, is ready to come and seek the City of the Covenant, where the Mosque, Church and Temple stand together on the Mount and where everyone has been welcome. Though I had been there myself when the Mount had been consecrated, I have not been able to even approach the Mount for the throng of peoples that has come there, and still arrives every day.

Come. You must witness these thing for yourselves.”

The Armies of Jerusalem

Ricard de Sarrone, a noble of the Kingdom of the Jerusalem writes

“I have been busy with the Kingdom's armies of late, for Prince Philip has taken to playing general again and has been taking on soldiers. I do not suppose that the Kingdom has much to offer in the way of recruits, but I believe that the army has been somewhat restored and the security of the Kingdom is well-cared for.

The rest of the army has been well-served by the ministrations of the Prince's staff, for surprisingly the morale has been kept high. There can be no doubt that the army raised those many years ago continues to faithfully and steadfastly serve King Baldwin…”

The Riders Come

From the tales of a Venitian explorer Lucas Pacine

“Where once the stories had said they were to be found to the east of the Persians who Alexander destroyed it seems now that they have moved. Like Locusts they have travelled around the edges of the great inland sea until now they stand on the edges of the lands of the Orthodox, probing and testing the defences of the Rus and the Georgians and before them they are driving the peoples who lived upon the lands they are destroying, the Alan, the Turcoman, the Kypchaks and the Volgan Bulgarians. It is said that at their head they carry a standard that is a plain grey circle and when asked they say it is what is to come to all who oppose them. Nothing has terrified me more in all my travels.”

Poetry Corner

A Song

To the tune of “Be our Guest” from “beauty and the beast”

He's the Best! He's the best!
He will show up all the rest.
He is charming, he is hansom.
He is sure to past the test.
Courtiers, he's has many.
They are as fine as any.
Try to fool him, don't be silly.
Don't believe me? You'll be chilly.
In a cell, in the ground.
Be sure that, you'll be found.
For you know he can never be second guessed.
Go on, give yourself up now,
Alexios will show how,
He's the best
Yes, the best!
He's the best!


Big Muscles,
Dashing looks.
His nice face, has got me hooked!


Don't be slow, come see his show.
His Elephants beyond compare.
Come along, he'll be there.
In his aura we'll all share.
No one's gloomy or complaining,
While Loxos is entertaining.
His Parades, see his flair,
What you see, beyond compare.
His charisma beyond doubt, you can bet.
Come on and act real fast,
You've won your own free pass.
To see the Best!
If your stressed,
Come see Loxos we suggest.
He's the Best! He's the Best! He's the Best!

Life would be so boring.
Without Alexios performing.
Got no spark, without some heart, put into it.
Memories of elephants won't leave you.
Suddenly your left without a song.
Once you've seen him thrusting.
For him you'll be a lusting.
Need him to set up in Constantinople.
For most days its just to quiet here.
We just, sit and cough.
When he shows up it will kick off.

Parade chorus:

He's the Best! He's the Best!
His command is our request!
It's been years since the Emperor has been so suave!
And we're obsessed.
With his jokes, and his tricks,
Yes, he holds, us all transfixed.
While the crowds they keep on growing,
Alexios, he ain't slowing.


I come out, do my thing.
Everyone will shout and sing.
Then the show, really starts, and we begin.
Tonight, we'll party all night through.
I'll show you how to move.
I'm the best!
I'm the best!
I'm the best!
You see, I'm the best!

Another Song

To the tune of Wonderboy, by Tenacious D:

High above the Holy Land, castle made of sand
There sits Al-Afdal, jawline oh-so manly
Not much to do when you're high above the Holy Land…

Al-Afdal, What is the secret of your power?
Al-Afdaa-aaal, won't you lead us on jihad through the Holy Land..?

Well now it's time for me to tell you about Gerard de Ridefort
Arch-rival and nemesis of Al-Afdal… with powers comparable to Al-Afdal!

What powers you ask?

What about the power to FIGHT? That do anythin' for ya?
That's called a sword, Cadfael.

How about the power to kill a crusader… from 2000 yards away…

That's Alchemist's Fire, Gerard.
How about the power…
To Diplome with you?

History of Al-Afdal and Gerard de Ridefort…
A battle to be fought
A brother to be taught
To kill kuffr in three-part harmony, whoo!

Al-Afdal, What is the secret of your power?
Al-Afdaa-aaal, won't you lead us on jihad through the Holy Land..?

Well Al-Afdal and Gerard matched forces…
and had a battle the likes of which had Never been seen!
And they called it the Horns of Hattin…
That's Right!
And Az-Zahir (ha HA!)
We're the sons of Saaaaladiii-iiiiin!
Come fly with me, fly!

Al-Afdal, What is the secret of your power?
Al-Afdaa-aaal, won't you lead us on jihad through the Holy Land..?
Fear my wrath!
Gerard de Ridefort, we're gonna fight
Bring out your broadsword
There's the manticore
Slice it's throat!
And shoot its eyes
You fight for Baghdad
I'll fight for Mecca…
There, Temple rock, fill it
With your mighty Jews…


  • The Emperors are in excellent health.
  • Michael Karantenos is enjoying German imports.
  • Next - flying ships!
  • Hippo versus Elephant - but who would win?
  • The Forces of Evil are busy, call back later.
  • I hear Michael of Bethlehem eats babies - he must have found the Anti-pope's handbook.
  • They say that if you hire two Rus mercenaries, one of them will definitely betray you.
  • In the land of Emperors… who is King?
  • Vast cosmic power, itty-bitty living space.
  • Pop quiz in Byzantium: I stab you and if you live you win!
  • Does Maha have an evil twin?
  • How many nuns can you put in a room before they explode?
  • Never consume an energy field or a djinn bigger than your own ego.
  • The Emperor's secret elephant wife is in the best of health.
  • If a bishop falls in the woods does he make a noise?
  • “I for one welcome our new Jewish overlords and will gladly make them look fabulous.”
  • Who Invokes the Invokers?
  • Two chalices, One Queen!
  • Who waits behind the Wall?
  • No Kitten Sacrifices this year.
  • What has the Sicilians so Stoney Faced?
  • Just who is the Great Satan then?
  • Brother Basilus was the Great Satan too, it seems.
  • Preceptor Abelard is what GRIEVES ME THE MOST.
  • Tiamat is the Great Satan.
  • One of these days the actual Great Satan will appear, and I will eat my words with spices.
  • The Forbidden Drink is the Grape Satan.
  • The cage that contained the Manticore is… wait for it… the Crate Satan!
  • Henry of Gloucester is the Great Satan.
  • Pretty much anyone I don't like is the Great Satan.
  • And now, a moment of prayer for all the Great Satans that have passed away. Raymond de Flubblewubble, Raymond of Tripoli, Muntasir, Urbana III, Black Elephant, Barbarossa's army, Khawan al-Khatara and of course William of Shrewsbury. God I hated those guys. Except Muntasir - Way to go, sparky. Ha Haa!
news/7.txt · Last modified: 2009/06/15 14:59 by innokenti
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