Not the Real News Turn 5 - April 1st of 1190

Sons

Her Holiness Pope Urbana III stands in the shattered remains of the Vatican. She surveys the broken landscape around her while a small group of Cardinals huddles behind her. One eventually steps forward, dressed from head to foot in red with an ornate face mask and speaks in a low rumbling voice,
“A small heretics force has penetrated the defences and landed on the banks of the Tiber.”
“Yes, I know.”
“My son, Henry of Gloucester, is with them.”
“Are you sure?”
“I have felt him, my mistress.”
“Strange that I have not. I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Cardinal Cromer.”
“They are clear, my mistress.”

Shields

Raymond de Flubblewubble: We've gotta be able to get some kind of a divination on that shield, up or down.
Zafir: [speaks in Arabic]
Raymond de Flubblewubble: But how could they be confusing us if they don't know… if we're coming?
Raymond de Flubblewubble: Break off the attack! The shield is still up!
Philip of Jerusalem: I get no divination. Are you sure?
Raymond de Flubblewubble: Pull out! All knights, pull out!
Jean Ricard: Take evasive action! Burgundian Army, stick close to holding Gate MV-7!
Aelith: Cardinal! We have enemy demons at Gate 47!
Jean Picard: It's a trap!

The assault on Hoth/Mecca

As heavy gunfire rakes the ranks of the Anti-Crusade the camera zooms out into space while the globe below it spins. As it hovers over Arabia it starts to zoom back in until Mecca comes into focus. The viewer can see that Mecca is uner attack from masses of Giant Black Elephants, on the back of which are mounted massive repeating crossbows manned by Cardinals and Hospitallers. Emperor Barbarossa flies between them on the back of a Dragon. Our Brave Muslim heroes can do nothing but look up as one of the elephants raises it foot and then grinds them unceremoniously under it. As the camera begins to pan away again it appears the city of Mecca explodes in a giant mushroom cloud.

They're dead Baldwin

“Where is everyone Gerard?”
“They're dead Baldwin”
“Who is?”
“Everybody Baldwin.”
“What? Michael of Bethlehem?”
“Everybody's dead Baldwin.”
“What? Pavel?”
“Everybody's dead Baldwin.”
“What? Loxos?”
“They're all dead, everybody's dead Baldwin.”
“Nizam Ata isn't, is he?”
“Everybody is dead Baldwin.”
“Not Siddig?”
“Gorden Bennet, yes Sidding, everybody, everybody's dead Baldwin.”
“Maha?”
“She's dead Baldwin, everybody's dead, everybody is dead Baldwin.”
“Wait, are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?”
slightly under breath “Shouldn't have let him out in the first place!!!”


This may not be the real news.

nottherealnews.txt · Last modified: 2009/05/31 07:19 by delvy
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